


In Which Venom Falls In Love With A Ceiling Fan, And Eddie Craves Death

by mizuanna



Category: Venom (Comics), Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: And immediately falls in love, Crack, Eddie is done™, Funny, Help, Humor, Just two dorks and a ceiling fan, M/M, Multi, No Plot, Now featuring: lamp, Ok so I wrote more, Swearing, Venom discovers ceiling fans, Venom x Eddie x Ceiling Fan, and jello, crackfic, symbrock
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 22:20:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16564217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mizuanna/pseuds/mizuanna
Summary: "Eddie, Eddie, Eddie! Who is that??"Eddie turned to look at what Venom was screaming about."....the ceiling fan?" He said slowly.----------------Venom discovers ceiling fans, and decides that they're pretty great.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo my friend and I came up with a ton of Venom headcanons, and...well, here it is. The very first Venom x Eddie x Ceiling Fan fic in existence. 
> 
> All I can say is, e n j o y ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

As Eddie walked through the living room, Venom noticed something that he had never paid attention to before: _h e r_

She was...beautiful. Words couldn't begin to describe just how graceful she looked, spinning lazily on the ceiling. For the first time in his life, Venom found himself truly speechless. Never before had he come face to face with such an ethereal being....it had to be fate.

Regretfully, Venom tore his eyes away from her slowly spinning blades, and aggressively poked Eddie in the eye.

**"Eddie, Eddie, Eddie! Who is that??"**

Eddie turned to look at what Venom was screaming about.

"....the ceiling fan?" He said slowly.

Overwhelmed with joy at this information, the symbiote squealed with delight and launched himself at the newly discovered "ceiling fan", pulling Eddie with him as he sailed across the room.

Just as Venom was about to latch onto the fan, Eddie's legs smacked into the couch and pulled them downward, towards the wall.

They fell through the window. Screaming.

The ceiling fan spun slowly.


	2. In Which Venom T-Poses A Ceiling Fan Into The Shadow Realm, And Eddie Has A Midlife Crisis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Holy fucknuggets..."
> 
> In it's own unique, messed up way, the destruction was almost glorious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings, and welcome back to the a b y s s
> 
> This chapter is the result of yet another headcanon that my amazing friend and I came up with. Thank you for joining us on this fine day, to celebrate the beauty that is Venom x Eddie x Ceiling Fan.
> 
> Without further ado, **have fun kids-**

When Eddie Brock woke up at 2am on a Saturday, he knew that something was wrong.

He also couldn’t tell what was more unsettling. The mild concussion he had sustained from literally catapulting through a window (thanks, Venom), or the muffled sound of the halo theme song coming from the living room.

The living room.

....the ceiling fan.

Was it fear that kept him lying in his bed? Or was it simply dread, followed by the knowledge that whatever lurked beyond his bedroom door might finally break him?

Regardless, he knew that he would have to face reality soon. Very soon. With every second he spent hesitating, his poor living room was more than likely being torn apart. Slowly. Methodically.

Still, it wasn’t until he heard _and_ felt the ceiling crack, that he crept his way into the living r-

“Holy fucknuggets...”

In it’s own unique, messed up way, the destruction was almost glorious.

The couches that they had ~~stole~~ _bought_ the other day, were shredded beyond repair and thrown into a corner. Unidentifiable stains covered the walls of the room, and kitchen utensils glistened from where they had been stabbed **through** the floor ( _seriously?_ how the hell do you do that with a damn _spoon-_ ). In the distance, Eddie swore he could hear the smell of his sanity kermitting sewer-cide. _And holyshitwasthatavendingmachine-_

He did his best not to think about that, or anything really. He let his mind go blank, because if he even _tried_ to understand whatever the fuck was going on, there was a 96.25% chance that his entire nervous system would commit toaster bath.

And there, right in the middle of it all, was Venom.

The symbiote was perched on top of the ceiling fan, asserting his dominance with a vaguely threatening T-Pose. A radio continued to blast the halo music from where it had been shoved into a microwave, echoing eerily.

The fan spun slowly.

Eddie could only stare at Venom, making eye contact every time the symbiote turned to face him.

Without warning, Venom launched himself from the ceiling fan.

He crashed into Eddie’s face, screeching.

At the same time, the fan groaned and fell from the ceiling, smashing through the floor with the sheer force of Venom’s dominating power.

Hopefully, the neighbors wouldn’t be _too_ pissed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* (￢‿￢ ) *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧


	3. In Which Eddie Uses Peanut Butter As A Weapon, And Venom Demands A Divorce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was it. Today was the day.
> 
> The time had come for _revenge._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* h e y *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
> 
> Welcome back to another episode of ceiling fan hell!
> 
> There's really not much to say about this one, except...help??

This was it. Today was the day. Eddie had pushed through his suffering for ~~three days~~ as long as he possibly could, but he had finally reached his breaking point.

The time had come for revenge.

At first, he had no idea just how he would pull off such a feat. After all, he was merely a weary man, desperate for a full night of sleep. It wasn’t until one fateful day, that he realized-

The answer to all of his problems was literally right in his hands.

——————— _last week_ ————————

> **“Eddie.”**
> 
> “Hm?”
> 
> **“I have a question.”**
> 
> Eddie paused, turning slowly to look at Venom. The symbiote in question returned the stare silently, shifting around on top of his new favorite perch...
> 
> The ~~stolen~~ newly acquired ceiling fan.
> 
> “Okayyy...what’s up?”
> 
> Venom pointed a black tendril at the jar in Eddie’s hands. **“What is the name of that...substance? And why are you eating it with your fingers?”**
> 
> Eddie snorted, leaning back against the shredded couch (they hadn’t gotten a new one yet). “It’s called peanut butter, love. And since someone-“ He shot a pointed glare at Venom. “-destroyed all of our damn silverware, I have to eat it with my hands-“
> 
> Suddenly, the symbiote darted forward and sniffed at the jar, only to immediately growl. His white eyes narrowed in what could only be described as utter disgust.
> 
> **“Eddie, this smells like shit.”**
> 
> For the second time that day, Eddie snorted. 
> 
> “It’s not that bad. Here...” He dipped a finger into the jar, fishing out a small blob of peanut butter. Carefully, he reached out and smudged it onto where Venom’s nose _would_ have been, if he had one. “Have some-“
> 
> The reaction was immediate.
> 
> Retching, Venom scrambled backwards off of the couch, as if he were trying to escape from the peanut butter on his face. He slammed himself against anything and everything that he could find, grabbing random objects and hurling them blindly. And _oh god, the screams-_
> 
> Eddie could only watch in fascinated horror as the symbiote picked up their lamp, and chucked it out of the window. 
> 
> The jar of peanut butter sat innocently within Eddie’s hands.

—————— _end of flashback_ ———————

Now that he had an actual plan, there was only one thing left to do.

_A t t a c k_

With the precision and grace of a hedgehog on steroids, Eddie whipped out his hidden jar of peanut butter. As if sensing what was about to happen, Venom grappled desperately with Eddie for control over their shared body-

But it was too late.

Eddie’s peanut butter coated fingers smacked into the ceiling fan.

The symbiote’s screams of loss echoed shrilly, _eerily_. The lights flickered as a terrifying amount of energy washed over the room, causing a shiver to go down Eddie’s spine. 

Caught in the wake of such overwhelming power, he was left with no other choice.

Eddie abandoned his plans of revenge and cleaned up the ceiling fan.

Still, he could only stare as the symbiote slithered away, muttering about **“Being so fucking done with this family”** , and **“Divorcing Eddie’s elf-on-the-shelf-lookin-ass”.**

Not for the first time, Eddie wondered if becoming a crackhead was still a possible career path.

———————————-

The next morning, when Venom handed him a folder full of _actual divorce paperwork_ , Eddie spat his cereal across the living room.

Later, he cried as he watched the symbiote declare his undying love for the lamp that had been previously yeeted out the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand now we have a new character! Everyone say hello to "lamp." :*) Skjskdjkdsfgk


	4. In Which Eddie Vores Some Jello, And Venom Develops Trust Issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie looked over at his half finished bowl of jello- wait.
> 
> Venom.
> 
> Jello.
> 
> _Oh._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand here I am ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ Ready to ruin your lives with my terrible writing skills.
> 
> Also, real quick, I would like to thank everyone that has taken the time to leave a comment! Reading them leaves me with such a warm fuzzy feeling in my very s o u l. AND, another thank you to those who have subscribed and left kudos!
> 
> i LoVe yOu gUyS sO mUcH aNd i wAnT yOu tO kNoW tHaT yOu aRe aLL bEaUTiFuL-

It had finally happened. After what felt like months of fighting a worthless battle, Eddie Brock was finally losing his marbles. 

Honestly, he really didn’t know how much longer he could hold on. Someday, he would end up lovingly chucking his symbiote husband back into the stratosphere. Back to the alien’s home planet...

Dear Lord, what was it even called again? Krypton? Klondike? _Kleenex?_

Venom took control of Eddie’s hand and smacked him in the face, letting the sound echo quietly.

Eddie sighed. He could really go for some weed.

So far, he had actually been having a decent day...but he should have known that that could only mean trouble.

It wasn’t until he was sitting down, eating a bowl of strawberry jello, just minding his own business, that shit decided to hit the fan.

Thankfully, not in the literal sense. This time. 

It all started when Venom appeared on his shoulder, yawning, only to immediately freeze in horror.

**“Eddie, what the fuck are you doing?!”** The symbiote screeched, grabbing Eddie’s shoulders and slinging him around like a rag doll.

“Wha- V, calm down! Geez, it’s not peanut butter-“

Venom extended an inky tendril across the room, scooped up a newspaper from the table, and proceeded to whack the shit out of Eddie with it.

**“Shut. Up. And. Explain. Why are you eating a symbiote?! I have been on the internet before, and I happen to know that vore is NOT a healthy habit-“**

Eddie froze, ignoring the rest of Venom’s angry screaming. _Eating a symbiote? _What the hell...__

__He looked over at his bowl of half finished jello. It jiggled almost fearfully as Venom suddenly launched himself away from Eddie, landing on the table and gnawing angrily on it’s wooden surface- **wait.**_ _

__Venom._ _

__Jello._ _

__Oh._ _

___Eddie chuckled, but soon started laughing as his mirth grew. He tried to stand up from the ratty couch, only to collapse onto the floor and wheeze in laughter._ _ _

__

__Venom stopped stress eating the table, only to level a hateful stare at Eddie’s rolling form._ _

__**“You’re pathetic. A true loser, Eddie. How could you do this in front of me? In front of our _CHILD_ -“** _ _

__Eddie’s laughter cut off with a yelp as he rolled into the lamp. He scurried away from it in fear, cringing at his previous experiences with the piece of furniture. “Look, okay, it’s not a symbiote, V, it’s- wait.” Cold dread settled itself into the very core of his soul. “What did you just say? A _child_?”_ _

__Venom didn’t respond. Instead, the symbiote dived for the bowl of jello-_ _

__“Not today, satan-“ Forgetting what had just been said, Eddie grabbed the lamp and swung it at Venom. The symbiote screeched in horror as the lamp smacked into him, sending him on a delightful journey into the kitchen._ _

__Eddie didn’t waste any time. He darted for the bowl of jello, held it in both of his hands, and ate the whole strawberry blob in one vicious bite._ _

__It was at that moment that Venom slithered back into the room, carrying a large bowl._ _

__The same bowl that held the rest of the jello._ _

__Eddie watched as the symbiote silently made his way towards the door of their apartment._ _

__“What are you...”_ _

__Venom opened the door._ _

__Once again, Eddie grabbed the cursed lamp. Using it as a shield, he approached Venom.  
Slowly._ _

__The symbiote raised the bowl into the air._ _

__“Don’t you dare-“_ _

__The bowl went sailing gracefully, right out the doorway. It was almost beautiful._ _

__A scream echoed from the hallway, cutting off abruptly with a deep _thud-__ _

__Eddie yanked Venom back inside and slammed the door._ _

__Later that night, Eddie had his regularly scheduled mental breakdown, as Venom blasted Mariah Carey from a ~~stolen~~ bluetooth speaker and raved on the ceiling fan._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

**Author's Note:**

> Let them have their ceiling fan.


End file.
